Dear Andrea
This is my question:
I am stuck, fears “stories” running in my head, feeling lonely.
Please Vywamus help me.
Gold
Dear Gold,
You may be feeling sometimes overwhelmed by the fear and loneliness you describe, and whatever scenarios are going through your head. Oddly enough, though, having these feelings so strongly is a sign that at your deepest levels you feel ready now to address these issues which you have brought with you from other lives and also from past experiences in this life. All of you humans have such work to do in this and in every life, and the fact that these issues are coming up to the surface so often and so intensely is an indication that it is time to address them, and you are ready. This is good – though it may not be easy.
It is always better, and I recommend it to all of you, that when you experience such a degree of emotional pain and intensity, you seek the help of a kind therapist or wise and kind counselor to be there and give you support in facing these issues. You deserve to have someone at your side when doing this deep work. Of course, I and other teachers and guides are always with you and giving you help, but sometimes you need more.
If a therapist is not possible, look for some other wise counselor you can trust – possibly someone in your church if you belong to a religion, or possibly even a relative or friend. If no counselor is available then you can be your own therapist, and I will make some suggestions about how to do that. And for many of you this will work well. But if you have a mental or emotional disorder, you probably need skilled help in dealing with your issues and the emotions that go with them, and it is advisable for you to use caution if you try the exercises I offer here.
Now, if you are working on your own, perhaps the best thing to do first is to practice being present with yourself. This is absolutely important. Take time to be with yourself. Every day, sit with yourself as you would sit with a good friend who is in pain. Sit. Be there. Do not judge. Let go of any expectations. Watch what is happening within you with compassion. Breathe And again, be there.
This may take some practice. So often in a situation like yours, you have the urge to escape the unwanted feelings, or to try to fix things, or to judge yourself as weak or incompetent because you have not been able to fix things, and so on. But the practice is important. Just stay with yourself and have the feelings. Doing this consistently, you begin to realize that you are not alone. You are with you. No matter what. No matter how negative the feelings or the situation, and no matter what anyone else does. You are with you.
Whatever the “stories” or fears or loneliness – or perhaps also feelings of anger and sorrow – you are there with you. Just by doing this, your being present and accepting, some of the emotions you feel trapped in may come “unstuck” and move. When that happens, continue to be present, and let them be. After doing this, it can often be very helpful to write down some of your experiences. But don’t focus too much on the writing and be drawn into an overly mental approach. It is the emotions you want to encourage. Be there with them.
Now, to strengthen your work I always recommend when dealing with emotions that you invite your body to take part. First notice all the physical aspects that come up when you feel feelings: tears, tightness in your throat, your chest, your abdomen, your limbs, or anywhere else, changes in breath and heartbeat, and so on. These all bring you messages, and you may already know well what they are saying. If not, ask them. And listen. Either immediately or eventually, you will get an impression, or another sensation, or an image, or even a word or two that comes into your mind.. Again, don’t push, just be there and receive it.
The next step will also involve your body, and that is to let it move. Find a place where you can be alone and private. Imagine the feelings — fear, loneliness, and so on –flowing into your whole body and beginning to move it, in motion that may be graceful or forceful, fast or slow. And let that happen. Let your body move and let your feelings guide your movements. If sounds or words come, allow them also.
If you find it difficult to get started with this process, you can “warm up” this way. Say ”No!” or “No I won’t!” in a strong tone, and at the same time, pound your fist on a soft surface, or stamp your foot. And breathe. You can do this for a time if you need to prime the pump to get your energy to flow. Simply be with the experience and notice what happens. Your body will guide you if you let it. (By the way, to do this exercise, at the start, you don’t have to know what you are saying “no” to, although sooner or later a situation where you have wanted to say no will probably pop into your mind.)
Now, when you put these suggestions of mine into practice, on a regular basis, you may gradually notice changes in yourself in how you feel. A feeling of pain, for example, may transform into anger, or then into sadness, and then into a kind of peace. Just keep following and being present. And for a while, practice this often, even every day. Be consistent, but also give yourself permission to sometimes take a break. This can be hard work and you sometimes need some time off.
I will not lay out a program here as to what “should” happen next for you if you do this practice, because if you simply stay with it, you will discover that for yourself – which is much better. But I guarantee that if you are able to be faithful about carrying out these suggestions, you will change and your life will change, for the better. You will find and enjoy the beauty that is in you and the beauty that is all around you.
And remember, we have great compassion for you always.
Love,
Vywamus
P.S. Please also read my letter to Gitte (9-24-11) and to M.B. (November 2013). You and M.B. especially share many similarities and what I say to her applies to you.